Hippie Joke (Chelsea)

It's a well-documented fact that hippies are humorless, so we don't expect any to show up at our site and complain. Still, we'd like to offer a no-hard-feelings token to any hippies that might have stumbled upon StopMeIfYouHeardThis in a stoned stupor as they stumble (wait, did I just use that word? No waaaaay dude!) around the world wide web. Therefore, every hippie who sends us a video of hims/herself listening to hippie music and shouting out the punchline of this joke will receive a free StopMeIfYouHeardThis bong, I mean t-shirt.

Coupla Penis Jokes (Chelsea)

Just when you think an expedition can't get any lamer (than the Upper West Side), we bring you our 4-joke freezing-cold nobody's-telling-jokes-and-nobody's-funny-anyway expedition we'll call "Chelsea." It was supposed to be the Lower East Side Expedition but we stupidly drove, then couldn't find parking. We circled the neighborhood about a thousand times before getting the bright idea to head home and hit Chelsea, which was on the way. It was so lame I can't even think of a funny way to end this post. Let's just get to the penis jokes and be done with it.

Irish Beer Joke (Upper West Side)

It was the kinda night that really called for a beer joke. I'm not saying this one killed, but it filled the slot.

Disney Blonde Joke (Upper West Side)

A blonde joke is best told by a blonde and even better told by a very giddy blonde with her friend there to interpret. Just imagine how comparatively boring this joke would be in print and you'll know why we're here.

Purgatory Joke (Upper West Side)

The footage from the New Years Eve expedition was so dark that about ahundred witty fans sent us letters on black construction paper. Very funny-- we get the message! Anyways, we bought ourselves a very cheap light and now everyone's blue.

Presumptuous Joke (Upper West Side)

This guy wouldn't tell us the joke until he could think of "that word that means, like, if you do something to someone and they don't like it..." Huh? What word is that? "You know, like when somebody thinks what you did is, like, overboard..." It took about 5 minutes of this, but we finally came up with the word, and even supplied it when he came to that moment in the joke. We didn't know it was going to be an audience-participation joke, though, and let's just say upon watching in the clear, sober light of the day after, we're not exactly proud of participating.

Carnegie Hall Joke & Sick Pope Joke (Upper West Side)

Ethan not only told us "Carnegie Hall Joke" (sorry, Ethan, it's pretty awful), but was so inspired by our project that he offered to help. As the Upper West Side Expedition wore on, he ended up soliciting several jokes on our behalf. Chocolate and I'd be sipping beers in the P&G Cafe when we'd get the tap on the shoulder and there was Ethan grinning. "I got another one outside," he'd say, and off we went with our camera and mic. This guy who tells the "Sick Pope Joke" was the first guy Ethan stopped. Ethan, the only reason we didn't return your call was the weather; we'll shoot again!
Carnegie Hall Joke:

Sick Pope Joke:

Zombie Joke (Upper West Side)

A zombie joke needs no description, and can only be told correctly by a select few. This man is one of the few.

Pussy Joke (Upper West Side)

Ok, Regular-sized Todd here. Look, I'm not the blogger that Mocha is. Those New Years Eve posts were clever, contained amusing or informative links, and even managed to place the jokes in some kind of anthropological context much of the time. I'm not saying the guy's a genius, but I'll give him clever any day. So with that kind of pressure on my shoulders, I'm actually grateful that it's the Upper West Side jokes I'm charged with bringing you. These jokes, told by people who frequent bars alone, before 8pm and on weekdays (ok, Thursday is almost a weekend but trust me, half these dudes were there on Wednesday too) are, shall we say, on the less-refined end of things. Like me. I mean, uh, like I.
Take "Pussy Joke." The man is so classy as to tell the joke only when he thinks the camera is off. When he knows it's back on, though? Ah, what the hell, "Who's got two thumbs and likes to eat pussy?"

Blonde Joke (New Years Eve 2007)

As we often say, we just post 'em. For the full impact of this joke, you have to hang in to the end. And it's so worth it. In fact someone should put this joke into an archive somewhere as a snap shot of family life.

So, as we say goodbye to Times Square and our resolutions, be sure to stay tuned for more night time jokes, with a cool blue light, all told in and around the bars of the Upper West Side! We'll be collecting more jokes at the bars of New York over the next few months, so keep your eyes open and you might catch us! And don't forget to Stop us and tell a joke! If you're a bar owner and want to host a joke night, drop us a line!

Another Spanish Joke! (New Years Eve 2007)

You know there's a joke that suits this post perfectly: What do you call someone who speaks two languages? Bi-lingual. What do you call someone who speaks three languages, tri-lingual. And what do you call someone who only speaks one language? An American.

OK, so we're guilty, but we're now all enrolled in round-the-clock Berlitz classes to buck the trend. Stay tuned for the China expedition in 2008. In the meantime, we bring you yet another joke in Spanish. And, we think it's a doozy because the man who tells the joke was incredibly excited to hear chocolate say "chiste" as he walked past us. When the man's daughther translated, a huge smile came over his face, like he'd been waiting to tell this joke for a long time. We like to think that his New Years trip to Times Square was really a pilgrimage to find us. Hey, if you know the translation, grab a camera and send us the video!

Bob Barker Joke (New Years Eve 2007)

This one's a hoot. Very straightforward celebrity schadenfreude - what makes for better jokes really? Perhaps it was the fact that these folks were stuck in a bottle neck around Broadway and 44th, with something like a billion police officers telling everyone to "keep moving". You can't blame the cops really, but it was strange to tell people who are penned in to move. Hmm. More New Years schadenfreude? The real trajedy here gentle readers is Bob Barker's planned retirement in June. Do you think they'll put his skinny microphone in the Smithsonian?

Queen Joke (New Years Eve 2007)

A post for Martin Luther King Day.

As we got closer to midnight, we began making our way to Columbus Circle and ran into this German couple on Broadway in the 50s. Their joke is a funny enough, but they bring something really charming to the telling. Really, you just have to take one look at them to know they're fun. Enjoy.

Bayou Fisherman Joke (New Years Eve 2007)

If you've ever been in Times Square on New Years Eve, you know that, basically, you're trapped wherever you happen to land for the night. With A MILLION other people. Nevertheless, knowing this in advance, people actually make a sort of New Years haj to Times Square from all over. Truly, what New Yorker would volunteer - let alone pay - to go stand in the cold for 6 hours, just because there was a party happening? You really have to hand it to these people.

Bayou Fisherman Joke man and his girlfriend were no exception. They trekked up from New Orleans just for the weekend and when we caught up with them at 45th and Broadway, they were having a blast. This is a well told, really funny joke. Enjoy!

Teddy Bear Joke (New Years Eve 2007)

What we want to know is, how does everyone in Australia and New Zealand have an unlimited amount of time to travel? Seriously, have you ever met an Aussie in America who wasn't just "travelling for 6 months or so"? What do they do for 6 months? Hey! If there are any Aussies out there with 6 months of free time, and a camera, send us some jokes!

OK, we're not actually jealous. And we love this Australian-told Teddy Bear Joke. This woman was totally game, and didn't miss a beat. This joke is a great first for this expedition because it's kind of surreal, she does a great job of telling it, and what's more, she loves her joke!

New Years Eve 2007!

Happy New Year! Welcome to the New Years Eve Times Square expedition. We're starting here with our hilarious teaser narrated by small Todd. The jokes are great, and we have some really amazing footage of the lengths people will go to get to Times Square for the ball drop. The craziest thing is the ball is so small you can barely make it out when you get down there. So, put on your 2007 light up glasses and enjoy the expedition! Oh, and don't forget you can now send us your jokes by clicking on the "submit" button on our website!

Streaker and a Nun Joke (Christmas 2006)

Ok folks, this is the Christmas 2006 expedition. Having discovered that the bar where we'd planned to host our launch party was mysteriously double-booked, we regrouped and went in search of a few jokes. This short sequence of four jokes told by a wry Christmas Tree seller from Vermont is the perfect close to StopMe's first year. Huzzah and pickled herring! Stayed tuned for jokes and footage from the big New Years Eve expedition to Times Square!

Labor Pain Joke (Yale)

Living in New York, you often run into people who don't speak your language. But, you know, everyone tries to connect - the cabbie tries to follow your nutty shortcuts, and most people try to help tourists get where they're going. And, for a moment, you can convince yourself you really do understand Finnish, or deep Brooklyn.

That's a round about way of introducing this labor pain joke. To be honest, we're all new fathers, and well, we've seen birth up close, but still we don't get this joke. And it's killing us. We're not taking anything away from the joke, mind you - the delivery is great - but, please, in the name of all that's good, explain the punchline to us. So, enjoy the joke and bid a fond farewell to New Haven. Next post - Back to NYC and Christmas 2006!

String Joke (Yale)

Maybe it was cold, maybe it was that all the Yale students were away on Thanksgiving break, but no one seemed to be out. We'd wandered around for awhile and finally just happened to be stopped outside a bar talking to a guy having a smoke, when this guy pulled up on his Harley. You've probably heard the string joke before, but how often do you get to hear it from a guy sitting on a Harley?